«How to stop vuvuzelas from taking over the world»

por Conor McNamara

The word 'vuvuzela' has entered the language of football, but I'm already putting these horns down as 'something we won't miss at the end of the World Cup'. Reportedly louder than a chainsaw, the noise of tens of thousands of them has provided the soundtrack to the tournament. Not an African drum to be heard, just the incessant drone of these infernal trumpets.
Now, I don't want to be a kill-joy, and I know that the vuvuzelas are part of the 'unique' African flavour of this tournament, but the real fear is that every fan that has travelled to this World Cup will bring a vuvuzela home with them.
The consequence of this could be enormous. In a worst-case scenario I can envisage these plastic tubes migrating around the world and almost virally taking over football around the planet. They can't be expensive to manufacture, and I'm worried they will multiply like rabbits until all football games end-up sounding like a car alarm convention. Factories in china will be working overtime to melt down old supermarket plastic bags, and turn them into vuvuzelas - heck, they'll probably get a grant to do so.
Blackpool fans will have their tangerine versions selling like hotcakes by August. Protesting Manchester United fans will make their Anti-Glazer feelings known at Old Trafford by blowing through green and yellow vuvuzela's until they are red in the face.
Realistically though, I can foresee the problem for the vuvuzela - The authorities elsewhere will not be too keen on fans bringing a 3-foot long plastic instrument past the turnstiles. Can you imagine the reception for travelling Millwall fans should they try to each bring such a wieldable item into a stadium.
Maybe that is why replicas of miner's helmets are the characteristic piece of attire for South African fans? Suddenly it all makes sense.
Just wait until some clown throws one of these instruments onto a pitch here at the World Cup. Suddenly the security guards at the entrance to the games will be confiscating vuvuzelas.
So rejoice then; our hearing will have a better chance of making it into old-age intact. The strength of the vuvuzela - it's size which provides the volume - will ultimately be its downfall.
Until then, I am off to buy some ear-plugs.


* Conor McNamara is one of BBC 5 live's commentators for the World Cup. He will be shooting video from behind the scenes for the blog throughout the tournament.


Cf. também:

• The Vuvuzela's Wikipedia entry says: "They have been associated with noise-induced permanent hearing loss, cited as a possible safety risk when spectators cannot hear evacuation announcements, and potentially spread colds and flu viruses on a greater scale than coughing or shouting."
• According to The Guardian, vuvuzelas may be heading for the Premier League and according to The Mail: "Rugby's knowledgeable fans show you don't need a vuvuzela to appreciate the game".
• All the vuvuzela pictures are published on Flickr under Creative Commons licences. Credits here.

# Sites:  5 live's World Cup Coverage | BBC Sport's World Cup Page